Story-Telling: Rough Cut Feedback & Fine Cut Edit

After reviewing my rough cut this was the feedback I received:

• The timing of the music used during the opening sequence needed to be adjusted. It came in too early.
• The van accident was executed well.
• The opening titles needed to be changed. They were distracting. The title of the film didn't stand out against the other titles. It needed to be a different font or colour or side.
• The television in the waiting room was very distracting and messed with the continuity of the film. I need to replace the image on the screen in each shot it appears in to help remove this issue.
• The film needs some end credits so the audience is aware that the film has ended and not just suddenly cut to black.
• Dylan looks at his phone during the second half of the film. I need to cut to a close up of his reaction to the text message he has received, instead of using a wide shot of him.
• I need to come up with a way to bridge the gap between scenes 3 and 4 without confusing the audience. They need to be able to see that time has passed.
• My background ambience for the waiting room could be improved and sound more hospital like.
• I need an establishing shot of some sort so the audience are aware that the film is set inside a hospital waiting room.
• The sound effect used when one of the characters is talking on the phone could be improved.
• Overall the film is cut together well, it just needs a bit more work.

To fix these issues I will:

• Adjust the timing of the music during the opening sequence so the audience do not known that something bad is about to happen.
• Move my titles (cast and crew credits) to the end of the film to help fix the opening sequence and to signify the end of the film.
• I will try to replace the tv screen in every shot by tracking and cropping it in After Effects. This will be a difficult job but I will try my best to complete it in time.
• I did not film a close up of Dylan as he looked at his phone so I will need to crop a wider shot and make it look like a close up instead. This is not the best way to resolve this issue but because of time constraints it's the only option I have.
• I will add a timelapse shot to the gap between scenes 3 and 4 to help bridge the two together and to help the audience understand that time has passed.
• I will add a few more ambient sound effects to my waiting room scene to create more of a hospital feel.
• I will add an establishing shot to show the audience that the film is set inside a hospital.
• I will work on improving the phone sound effect so it is more realistic.

All of these changes will help form my fine cut, which I will get further feedback from.