Major Project: Script Draft 10

Following on from feedback on our ninth draft, we have written a tenth script draft.

SCRIPT DRAFT 10



For this new script draft we mostly made changes to the ending scenes of the film. We have also written a completely new ending different from any ending we have had so far.

Changes included:
- At the end of scene 2, and leading into scene 3 Clive now can't open his car door and instead is forced to crawl across the middle of the car and out of the drivers door. He then asks Bobbie when she's going to get the broken door fixed and she responds "when do you think". We have added this small bit of action and dialogue in to highlight a possibility as to why Bobbie & Clive need money so badly. The car could just be one of the many things they need money for.
- During scene 5 after she has burst in and said "this is a stick up, everybody down", Bobbie says "I've always wanted to say that". This has been added to reference the character detail that Bobbie is a housewife who spends her days watching action movies and heist movies. This line shows that she is a big fan who has always wanted to try it out herself. A line near the end in scene 11, "that was pretty thrilling", also highlights this detail.
- During scene 6 there is now an unknown car parked in the storage room that Clive doesn't recognise. As he works there, he would know if it is out of place or not, but won't say as to not reveal the truth to Bobbie. This car is a small hint to the new ending, and a clue to Clive to work out what's going on.
- After Frank enters in scene 7, Bobbie still drops her gun, but instead disappears off screen without the audience seeing, therefore leaving them in the dark like Clive who is wondering where she is. A sound is then heard off screen coming from the storage room. This prompts Frank to ask Clive to leave, which Clive does. Clive notices that Frank has an apple in his hand and questions it. Frank explains himself and the two go their separate ways. These changes were made to aid the new ending we have created. Franks actions, and the apple he is holding, are clues to this new ending. For this new ending to work, Bobbie had to disappear.
- During scene 11 Clive now has a moment of realisation when he discovers that it wasn't Bobbie making the noise in the storeroom. This has been written in to accommodate our new ending.
- The final scene has now been completely re-written and the tables have been turned so Frank is in fact the one being caught in the act. We wanted the audience to still get a cliffhanger, but one where they know Bobbie & Clive are probably okay. Bobbie & Clive now catch Frank stealing fruit from the storage room. This new ending is much funny and much more of a twist to surprise the audience with. It is also more interesting for the audience, and will allow us to do some interesting things in terms of how we film some of the scenes, and how we dress the sets etc...

This new script draft is probably our final one.