Major Project: Script Draft 9

Using feedback on our eighth script draft, we have written a ninth draft.

SCRIPT DRAFT 9



For this draft we made some changes, mostly to the end of the film:
- In scene 2 we removed some lines of dialogue to increase the pace of the scene more. Our main aim is to get to scene 6 in the storage room as soon as possible, so were cutting down the prior scenes.
- We added a line about where they are being the back entrance to the building. This change was made to explain why Bobbie doesn't recognise it as Clive's workplace.
- Scene 3 now takes place on the move from the car to the building. This has been done to again increase the pace of the film and keep it going from scene to scene. It will also be visually more interesting for the audience.
- In scene 5 we changed a line of dialogue for Bobbie were previously she spoke about how the office was empty so they should move to the storage room. We felt it was too wordy and so we cut it down to "come on". We may cut this line all together in a future draft.
- During scenes 8 & 9 we have made some major changes. Whilst under the desk Bobbie's toy gun falls out of her pocket and onto the floor. Franks spots this and picks it up. Bobbie then crawls away and hides nearby. She tries to talk to Clive, which attracts the attention of Frank. As Frank heads towards her, Bobbie plugs a nearby hoover in, which makes Frank walk towards that instead. The story then continues in the same manner as the previous script. We did this to extend the length of tension created for the audience by increasing the amount of time Frank is a challenge for Bobbie & Clive. In previous drafts, the challenge was resolved too quickly. This will work better for the story overall and the audience will fell the tension for longer.
- The ending is still the same.