As we now have a new idea for our major project, a new script draft needs to be produced.
SCRIPT DRAFT 3
This new script draft still contains some elements from the original 'Stick Up' idea. These elements include some dialogue, the 'apples' plot twist. Most other elements have changed.
The new idea breaks down as follows:
- Clive meets Bobbie at the location. She has clearly been waiting a while for him.
- The two argue about Clive being late.
- Bobbie realises that Clive has forgotten to bring the guns.
- Clive finds their children toy guns in his bag, along with a pair of tights and some head torches he had purchased for the heist.
- Bobbie questions if the location is correct. Clive assures her that it is.
- After another short argument, the two enter the building and find it empty.
- The two split up, and Bobbie runs into and then attacks a security guard.
- Clive finds out what happened and thinks they should get help for the guard, but Bobbie convinces him not too.
- Bobbie discovers that the storeroom is full of apples, instead of expensive goods. It becomes clear that Clive misunderstood what she meant when she said she wanted to rob an apple warehouse.
- As Bobbie is leaving the building, she discovers a picture of herself and Clive on a desk in the office. It becomes clear to her that Clive actually works at this warehouse.
- Clive defends himself, before discovering a letter on his desk that offers him a promotion.
- The two decide to leave, believing that because of this promotion, their problems are solved.
- Whilst back in the car, the two discuss the event, before realising they'd forgotten about the security guard.
- The security guard confronts the two in the car park, and the film ends.
This new cliffhanger ending is something we decided to add because the film is quite short, and we felt a cliffhanger ending would work well, and keep the audience wanting more. It allows the audience to come up with their own ending based on what they've seen and heard.
We also decided to add an additional character to this new plot so that our main characters had an antagonist. The security guard acts as a challenge to overcome. He is quickly knocked out, and so the two beleive they've overcome the challenge, but they forget about him, and he comes back to become a challenge again at the end. This element is something that was missing from the original idea and script drafts. It's an important part of any story.
In this draft Bobbie and Clive clearly have a troubled relationship. They argue constantly, and Bobbie subtly blames Clive for their money troubles. They're a middle-aged married couple with children, so they have a lot of responsibilities, and they've decided this is their last option. Clive keeps a secret from Bobbie by setting the heist up to fail, but it doesn't go to plan because a security guard turns up, and Bobbie discovers the truth. Decisions about the two characters are based mostly on being able to still use dialogue from the original drafts, but this will change. The characters need to be developed more, at this moment in time I still don't really know who they are.
At this moment in time I believe there are many of elements in the script that need changing. A lot of it is still the same as the other original idea, and this means it's not really consistent as a story. Some of the dialogue seems a bit out of character. I also feel their isn't much character development.
Overall as a first draft for this new idea I think it is a good starting point. We will get feedback and start working on the fourth draft.
0 comments:
Post a Comment