Major Project: Script Draft 7

Following on from our feedback on the sixth draft, we have written a new seventh draft.

SCRIPT DRAFT 7



Changes to this new script draft include:
- Some minor dialogue changes during scene 2 to speed the pace of the scene up slightly. This mostly included cutting down or rewording some of the lines.
- We have cut out the lines about the guns during scene 2, as this conversation is now going to take place later on in the script during scene 3. We have done this to help increase the pace of the scene, and to beef up scene 3 a bit more. As well as this it means we can keep the joke guns a secret for longer.
- The conversation about the guns now takes place outside the car in scene 3. This increases the length of scene 3, which makes up for the decrease in the length of scene 2. It also means we now reveal the laser guns a bit later in the script than they originally were.
- The 'Mary Berry' line is now completely delivered by Clive in scene 4. We felt all of the comedy lines should be delivered by him throughout the film to keep it consistent with his character.
- Clive's line about stage fright in scene 4 has been removed to help the scene flow better into the '3, 2, 1..." countdown into scene 5.
- The scenes involving Bobbie & Clive searching the office have been cut because we have re-written the end of the film.
- Bobbie's run in with the security guard has been cut, and the security guard now comes in later in the story. This is to add some tension and challenge to the story after the 'apple' situation has happened. This will work in the favour of pace, and keep the audience hooked for longer.
- In scene 7 the two are now interrupted by the security guard after Clive finds out about his promotion. Bobbie is forced to hide, and Clive has to talk his way out of the situation. Whilst hidden, Bobbie plugs a hoover in that is in a side room. This distracts the guard who then goes into the room. As he does this Clive slams the door behind him and locks him in. The two then leave the office. We decided to make all of these changes to the end to add a moment of jeopardy for the audience. Clive's promotion & job is now put on the line when the guard turns up right at the last minute. We decided to still have the security guard locked in a room so we could keep our original ending from the last script as we like that ending. The security guard coming in at the end, instead of during the middle works much better for pacing, and it a much better challenge for our main characters to overcome.
- The ending is the same.

Soon we will be carrying out some auditions, and this is the script draft we will be using, as we are happy that the story will not change too drastically from this point onwards.