Major Project: Script Draft 5

Before receiving any feedback on our fourth draft we have decided to write a fifth draft as their are some major changes to we want to make to the story.

SCRIPT DRAFT 5



The new story flows as follows:
- Bobbie & Clive drive into the car park and park up outside the warehouse. We have decided that both of the characters should arrive at the location at the same time. This makes more sense and is more believable than the previous beginning where Clive turned up afterwards on his own.
- They're conversation in the car is not initially about the crime they are about to commit. We want to throw the audience off at the start. By getting the characters to not directly reference what is going on, the audience will be left in the dark, and as the action begins to unfold they should hopefully be surprised.
- Bobbie finds out that Clive has the wrong masks and guns, and Clive assures Bobbie that this is the correct place. We added the line "I know it well" as a little hint to the audience that something else is going on. It then becomes clear later on that Clive works at the location, and so that's why he say's this line.
- The two head over to the building and outside the door Clive attempts to end the heist, but Bobbie ignores him and they continue. This is another sign for the audience that Clive is not up for this, but Bobbie is desperate and so is willing to continue.
- They burst into the office area and upon realising that nobody is around, they head to the storeroom.
- Bobbie now lies to the security guard and locks him in another room. We chose to remove the scene where she knocks the guard out as we felt that was very out of character for her. Her lying to him and locking him away is more believable for her character.
- They head into the storeroom and Bobbie discovers they are robbing fruit and not phones like she thought.
- Bobbie finds out that Clive works in the building they are robbing. They argue, and then Clive finds out that he has a promotion and so they don't need to worry about money anymore.
- The two head back to their car and begin to leave but are stopped by the security guard that Bobbie had previously locked in a room. The film ends.

All of the changes made to the script to create this new draft reflect the new story outline set out above. We made these changes to the storyline because we felt we needed to make it more believable and we needed to get to the point a bit quicker than we were in previous drafts. In terms of the ending, it may change.