Major Project: Script Draft 4

Following on from the feedback on our third script draft, we have written a new fourth draft of 'Bobbie & Clive'.

SCRIPT DRAFT 4



This new draft involved making some minor story and dialogue changes. By changing the dialogue, we are beginning to mould the characters into who we think they should be.

The changes include:
- Removing Bobbie's line "No! We're going to go in there and scare the crap out of them!" from page 2 because we felt it was out of character for her to say that. It sounded too aggressive, and not like something Bobbie would say. She is nervous but hiding it, and she doesn't want to scare or hurt anybody, so she wouldn't say this.
- We've changed the masks from monkey masks, to a pair of tights. We feel that being the amateur that he clearly is, and including the fact that he is setting this up to fail, Clive would've thought tights are the best option. He has cut holes in them so they can see and breathe. Visually, we feel that tights will looks funnier than monkey masks, and the audience will be able to see facial expressions better.
- On page 5 we decided that only Clive should duck and dive across the car park and Bobbie shouldn't. In this film Clive is the source of the comedy, and Bobbie is acting confident in front of Clive. She doesn't understand why he is ducking and diving, if he has just told her that nobody is around. We didn't want Bobbie to look stupid in this scene, so we removed the element of her ducking and diving.
- On page 6 we decided to change the line "take it in now, cause if this goes tits up, you won't be seeing these bad boys for a long time buster" to "*sigh* Pack it in!". We felt that the original line was out of character, and that the new line sounds more like something she would say, and something a wife would stay to their husband in this situation.
- On page 9 Bobbie now agrees to Clive calling an ambulance, but says they should do it after they've stolen the goods. Bobbie is a nice person, so she would care about the injured security guard, not like in the previous draft where she didn't appear to at all.
- The ending of the film is still the same with the cliffhanger. This is still something we want the film to have.

Apart from these small changes, the script is pretty much the same as the previous draft. I still feel there are some bits that need more work, but I'm sure this will change over the next few weeks.