After sharing the initial script draft with the rest of my group, we worked together to write a second draft.
SCRIPT DRAFT 2
My group's initial thoughts were positive. They liked the idea, but the script needed some work. So we all sat down to produce this second draft, and these are the changes we made:
- The first change was to set the story at night rather than during the day. This made certain parts of the script more feasible, for example the fact that there is nobody around to stop them stealing from the warehouse. Because of this change, head torches were added to the costume design.
- We decided to change the bananas to toy guns. This decision was made because the bananas were not threatening enough. It'd be easier for our characters to convince someone a toy gun was a real gun. We also added in a line spoken by Dave to allow us to do some audible comedy with the sfx the gun makes.
- Although the monkey masks are still in this script, they were highlighted as something we will probably change in future drafts. This is because the bananas are no longer in the script.
- The scene outside the warehouse entrance was re-written because there was too much repetition of lines spoken in an earlier scene. As well as this, we added in a joke about stage fright, so we could highlight the bromance between the two characters. And we added in a line which shows this is their last resort.
- The joke about a banana being in Dave's pocket was removed because the bananas have been removed.
These were all of the changes made at this moment in time. We pretty much edited some of the funny moments, and changed a prop, nothing too major. This draft will be looked at by Simon, who will then provide feedback.
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